It started with a blank SMS,
Then, words have been said.
Now, I'm still trying to find out what you meant
About the songs that I left...





Could pick myself out of the hole
I dug to hide all those memories?
Resurface from the ditch
I've unknowingly thrown myself into




Who am I kidding?
I cannot just point a finger
Accuse someone for my mishap
I did this to myself.



How can I say that I'm happy?
Every time I thought I've known myself,
I end up second guessing
If it's the real me.


I am not an ungrateful person
I am not in denial of my current situation.
I am not lost
I am just too scared.

Would this obsession stop?
I wish it would.
But at the same time,
I'll dread the time it would.








oooh... random thoughts. better work on things that really matter instead of drooling and staring at the screen.







Listening to the songs from Relient K's album Let It Snow, Baby... Let It Reindeer reminded me that Advent or the Yuletide season is fast approaching. I was excited a few months ago. I have a job then and though we changed residences for the nth time, I'm kind of optimistic that the year would be pretty swell.


Months passed, I try to imagine how I could put even a little decor or what to cook to celebrate the Holidays.

and then...


Been busy with work.
Got frustrated with it.
Still kept working so I can earn.
Didn't earn much.
Saved a huge portion.
Spent the money on some stuff that i needed(and some, i wanted).
From the supposed to be full time employment... now, they just call me if there's a shoot.
I ended up not saving any.
Decided to quit.
(has not yet officially quit)
Is now jobless.


In the dark times, there will always be something that could pull you out of the blues. The Christmas in my mind may not happen. But it's not yet late. I can't just wait for things to get better. I have to act on it.


For now, I listen to the heartwarming melodies from the computer speakers...


So look at me now
Its finally Christmas and I'm home
Head Indoors to get out of this weather
And I dont know how
But the closest friends I've ever known
Are all inside
Singing together
Singing Merry Christmas, Heres to Many More

I've set my mind on one goal - Lyndon Gregorio's graphic novel, Go-Beerkada: The Rise of The Jhologs.


When I finally have the book in my hands, I gleefully searched for familiar faces. I found Gran gran Darky in the daMeat booth setting up her sign and portfolio for people looking for a ready made artwork or commission art. Soon, I met up with Jolo and Steph.

For the whole day we walked around, bought some comics, meet more people and watched Jolo (dressed as Hetalia's Korea) being harrassed by Nikka.

I saw lots of DA people.. happy to meet you all.

I want home with sore feet and comics to read. It was tiring but I had a lot of fun (except for my dramatic exit in the evening-not gonna elaborate much on that).

The next con's on November. Sure wish it would be as fun as that day... or even better. ^__^

I was having second thoughts in posting this. I think it's a bit late or I don't think I have written this well enough. But here goes...




It was a Saturday. We had a shoot for the yearbook for a college near UN Avenue inManila. I recall hearing in the news that a tropical storm has entered the country that morning. They were hoping that the storm would be weaker after it moved across the Mountains of Sierra Madre. But by noon, classes were cancelled due to the heavy downpour brought by Ondoy (international name: Ketsana).

Few students still came for pictorial that afternoon. We packed up at around 4:30PM. As we head out the building, we soon realized the difficulty in going home. The streets are flooded. Jeepneys no longer head for our area due to the flood.

There is no way that I’m going to wade in the flood. I said to myself. My co-worker (who also live along the same road) and I hailed a bike with sidecar and for a hundred pesos we head for Quirino Avenue.

As driver pedalled, I hoped that the road where we live is not as flooded as the other areas in Manila. As soon as we reached the street, my hopes died.

Floods are a perennial problem in Metro Manila.

The Region lies on an isthmus with an average elevation of 10 meters. It is flanked by theManila Bay in the west and Laguna de Bay in the south east. The Pasig River, Metro Manila’s primary water, runs across connecting the two bodies of water. The MarikinaRiver stretches across the eastern side.

The geography itself screams flood plain all over. Floods would certainly be inevitable. But it’s not like we live in the ancient period. Technology has developed ways to prevent the areas like Metro Manila from experiencing disastrous floods. Defences like levees and dams are designed to help prevent such catastrophe.

Ondoy seemed to be too much to handle. The tropical storm surpassed the record amount of rainfall set around 40 years ago. The Hurricane Katrina which brought 380mm of rain in Louisiana, USA was no match to the 410mm of rainfall Ondoy dumped in the country. It was a month’s worth of rain poured in the span of 12 hours.

The storm left the Philippine Area of Responsibility Sunday evening with at least 250 dead and thousands more displaced from their homes, 80% of the region submerged.

The people are quick to point fingers to the government. Apparently, the government claimed that such calamity was unforeseen. The inaccuracy of PAG-ASA’s forecast might be the cause of this disaster. PAG-ASA would retaliate that due to the lack of support from the government and funding for newer equipment, a more accurate prediction is not possible. With that, the fault is not entirely theirs. The government can direct the issue to the people who just dump their garbage anywhere, everywhere thus clogging the sewage systems, causing the flood.

We can’t just use the ‘blame card’. Finding someone to blame solves nothing. It just covers up the guilt. Biting off from someone else’s back won’t remove the mud from the houses, fix broken structures or even bring the dead back.

Take responsibility for our actions - the loggers, illegal or not, those who throws garbage irresponsibly, people who refuse to segregate their garbage, people who use their power for their personal gain disregarding the effect to the community, people who neglects the problems in the environment. Everyone had a hand in making this disaster possible.

We are all living as a community, as one. Humans are not created to live alone. We all affect everyone in the community. Thinking only of our selves could only make things worse.

The pain of the calamity still lingers. But we must rise up from this as new individuals. Let us learn the lesson the flood brought us.

For those who are spared from the ordeal, a helping hand is greatly appreciated. A great way to show how thankful you are is by being a candle of hope to others.

For those who are still suffering, keep faith in your hearts. It is easy to say that we must think positive on the situation at hand. With the number of destroyed homes, displaced families and traumatized victims increasing, finding hope amidst the devastation might be hard, but it would lessen the burden in the heart.

We can survive this. We are resilient.

The first time I heard the song Sober from Kelly Clarkson's 2007 album, My December, I was floored and I immediately looked for the chords and lyrics so I can sing and play it with my guitar, Renji.


Here are the words of the song:

And I don’t know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing’s real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

And I don’t know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me

Three months and I’m still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in
But I know it’s never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I’m still standing here
Three months and I’m getting better yeah
Three months yeah, three months are hard


Three months and I’m still breathing

Three months and I still remember it

Three months I wake up

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers


One afternoon, I was surfing for something good to watch on TV. I saw Pink's performance from the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards. The song was of the same title. Pink performed the song several feet from the ground on a trapeze. My jaw dropped. Immediately I searched for the lyrics of the song.


I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the mornin'
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Ah, the sun is blindin'
I stayed up again
Oh, I am findin'
That's not the way I want my story to end

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
'Cause I won't remember, save your breath
'Cause what's the use?

Ah, the night is callin'
And it whispers to me softly, "Come and play"
But I, I am fallin'
And if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round
I'm lookin' for myself, sober

Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round
Lookin' for myself, sober

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good 'til it goes bad
'Til you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry 'never again'
Broken down in agony, just tryin' find a friend, oh, oh

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?


Once again, I fell in love with a song. Well, I'm in love with two song... Still in love with Within Temptation's latest single. ^__^



:wow: omg i did win!!!


I read through a newspaper about the 1st Calabarzon Graphic Design Convention. I said to myself, this is a good way to learn more stuff about some graphics application. Besides, it is also nice to add this in my list of Seminars Attended in my resume. 
With that, I emailed a fully accomplished Registration Form, paid the fees and waited for the convention date.

I visited the website regarding the said convention and found that there will be a contest on Adobe Photoshop Art. My mind says I am not good enough to join the contest. I still have problems in shading, color palettes and composition. But I decided to give it a shot. Honestly, I join contests only if I know that I have a good chance of winning. For me, I don't see the point of joining a contest if you do not intend to win. That's why I make it a point to give it my all.

For around 2-3 weeks, I created an artwork unlike any of my usual works. It was not a portrait nor a fantasy character. Also, the concept I have in mind involves lots of details(mind you, I am weak in detailing), and I mean LOTS.

In the last week of before the deadline of submission, I feel like giving up. I don't think the color of the artwork works well. Some parts seemed incoherent. 

With the help(moral support and advise) of my friends here in DA, I finally finished the artwork and submitted it.

The convention was held yesterday. After the seminars, the contest winners will be announced. During the seminars, Seminar vouchers for PCCI were to be given away to lucky participants. I was one of them. :) 

.. the time ticks really slowly... 

When the closing/awarding cermonies started... I was really tense. What if I didn't win? I will be really sad...

There had been problems with the presentation on the 3rd place winner. There was a typographical error with the video presentation. (it shows 2nd place when it really was the 3rd place) After the two awards were given, I became really worried.First place na lang... Then, my artwork was flashed on the screen.. followed by my name. I...freakin'....won. I am not just happy. I am overjoyed, ecstatic. All the hardwork had paid off. This was the first Digital Art Contest that I participated in and I won. This boosted my confidence.. (I really think that my art is crap.)

Now, I really am determined to be the best digital artist that I can be. I will continue to believe that there is a future for me in this field. I should just move forward and throw away self doubt...

hmmm.. things that I will give for Christmas...


Coffee Mug with Infuser para kay ....
Coffee para kay..
MP3 player para kay...
Sandals para kay ....
Libro (hopefully) para kay.....
Pendant para kay....


haha, bakit ko nililista to? ewan... sa akin lang, it feels nice to give.


note: must update this, di ko pa alam ang ibibigay ko sa iba.. hmm i wish i have more funds. bumili ako ng 2 sandals, 2 pants at 2 slacks.. huhu..gusto ko pa ring magregalo :D